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12 Jun 2008, 8:54 pm / Mellow Yellow
I was thinking about gigs as I usually do and I was seeing other people listed in all kinds of things and not being included. So NOT being part of something, I was wondering WHY I was omitted or why I was or am missing in action. Then there are the gig offers of $50 on a Thursday night for 2 hours of work which is really 3 and it has to start at 9 pm.....well I work form 11pm to 7:30 am and what I make and hour is real close to that $50 bucks anyway and that makes it a part time job which sometimes it is and now I'm thinking....I don't want it to be that. I want it to be an inspiration to me and to others. A magical time of elves and fairies flitterying about with cold bottles of Bud-Lite not a grind, which is ,as we players know, what it does become time to time but we work thru it and don't court these feelings. So now it comes to value. What am I worth? To me..to them booking people...to the audience....to God in heaven. I am worth more than $50 bucks at a bowling alley at 9pm on a Thursday. And I am worth more than filling a hole in an empty bar that gives you a dollar a person and it holds 30 max. I may have to work harder for a gig myself, but I am worth more than that, I believe. I've done my share of filling dates without filling my soul and now my soul is crying out for attention and since it is so much a part of me, I think I'll listen. Maybe you should too, musician or not. A crying soul is one to listen to. A happy soul is what we should aspire to possess. This is the wierd part, I would rather play for hours, free for people that want me to be there than to take a couple of bucks and hope it all works out. Make sense? Not sure it does until you put the happy soul item in there. I spent Saturday with amazingly crazy people on the Wabash Trace, a rails to trails bicycle group. What a blast! What a gig. I was sitting on the platform on the back of an old school bus, playing in the sun while the "bikers" came down the trail as it crossed an asphalt county road in the middle of nowhere. We drank and sang and had a ball. THEN..down the asphalt (stopped on top of a hill over looking nothing but future cornfields to talk to my lovely desert flower for a while in the serenity of the midwest country side) to Imogene, up the trail to the bridge, another short set on the trailer sitting along side the trail with nothing to see but trees and fields and someone handing me another cold beer....heaven! Then on to the Sugar Clay Vineyard.....8 people came by because it looked like storms again, but I met Frank and Amy and we had a great time, played for an hour or so, drank some great wine, got gas money and a couple bottles of Cedar Ridge Red and off I went, me and my fullfilled soul. Plus I might add, a sunburn on my legs and nose, no sunscreen, (they told me at chemo, I will sunburn easier now cuz of the drugs, so sunscreen when I leave the house......missed chemo this week, my blood doesn't come back like it should. Too low white blood cell counts and others.....nothing I did ....nothing to worry about....just gonna be in chemo longer.....shit.....but I'll be done when I'm done...I am lucky and blessed) and a mild wine glow....nice. My brother in Seattle (Mississippi David Kie....on Keys) told me, we've been playing the blues since he was 16 and I was 14. We took to it like bees to honey. We love the music, the musicians, the writers, the singers of all races and sexes as long as they were true to the blues. It permeates in our hearts and souls. It's our musical hertiage now, after 40 years of playing, singing and writing. We do other musical things but thats where we are comfortable. Thats where we live. David was jammin with some of his friends and a sax player came in to play and Deek was on a B3 type of a key mode. The cat was real good and the jam was real good and David got going and nailed it. The cat said ( he is a brother talking to the bass player, who is a brother) I didn't know white people could play the blues like that...he said he thought he was back in Mississippi!! What a compliment..then the realization we have been at this craft for a while and we know it well and play it well......so much fun...such a full and happy soul. That you can't get money to match, when others realize what you thought is true inside and it becomes physical evidence that all those years have "paid" off. So value....worth....is it monetary? Need some but not the focus. Happiness, fullfillment, these have their own value above and beyond money but it don't keep the electricity in the house, just in your body! What to do....what to do. I think you need to listen to yourself. I have to do this alot with the thing I'm going thru. Listen to what you can and can't do. Listen to what you want and don't want to do. If it feels like a fill in the blank kind of gig..take it and expect nothing else, fill the tank or put it in the tank and move on. It could be different, but high hopes in the face of frustration can be a BIG let down and we are tempermental artists are we not?...with a Bud Lite addiction :) So the secret is a balance of work and glee. Some gigs are work but look for the ones that you love to play. Follow that path and money will follow or at the least, you will feel great about yourself, your craft and your path. I'm still dreaming of being full time in this merry-go -round. If I get there, great, if I don't, I'll have stories to tell. But for now I have gigs to play and songs to write and recording that needs to get done, working those nutty hours, plus over time when I can and I have to get well, heal, get thru chemo, get to my birthday and FREEDOM!!! Make sure you aren't under selling yourself to ANYONE. Spouse, boss, freinds, booking agents, make sure they understand your value. Make sure YOU understand your value, as a person, as an artist. Go find where your soul is happy. Go where YOU are happy. Black Elk, a Sioux holy man said why are we not here but to give and experience joy? You have value. Make sure other people understand that. Take the time to listen to your inner voice. Listen to Mr. Soul, cuz that is the ultimate you. All the best to everyone Stephen Monroe
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